Being a Filipina in America requires a strong sense of self, of who I am and who I want to be. It would be easy to assimilate into the American culture and forget where I came from.
Since I grew up as a first generation Filipina in a mostly white neighborhood, it was easy to become embarrassed about my heritage. Especially since I was adolescent trying to fit in, and my parents were not like everyone else's. I blamed my parents for my flat nose, my dark skin and not being able to help me with my homework in English or spelling. Later, through high school and the early years of college, I could not understand their strictness or why my younger brother could get away with things I could not.
Since then, I spent time enlisted in the Air Force, and now, I am attending college to finish my Electrical Engineering degree. Two years ago, our family went to the Philippines for my Lolo and Lola's 50th wedding anniversary. It was my first visit to the Philippines as an adult. The experience taught me more about how much my parents went through to give me the life that I had.
From my parents, I got my independence, my caring, my sense of individuality and love. I saw where the kind of life they came from. When I realized the trials they had to endure to get to the States, I could only respect them more, and regret the hardships I gave them while growing up.
Being Filipina means that I have a strong sense of family. When I was growing up, I never understood what was happening when a new Tito and Tita were coming to stay with us every year. What I know now is that my parents were helping their brothers' and sisters' families get stable so that they could have their own home in the United States. Most of my relatives live less than hour away from my parents' home, all but a few are within 15 minutes. This network of families helping each other is one thing that makes me proud of being Filipina.
Other cultures try to condemn Filipinos for being so quick to assimilate into the white American culture; they think that non-whites need to fight back. We have not lost our culture, we have improved on it. We do not have to fight back, we need to work together. Filipinos have not sold out their heritage to the Americans. We truly are American. We take the best of our beliefs and customs and integrate them with those of other cultures: Italian, German, black, Hispanic... Filipinos never lose sight of their beliefs or their faith.
My husband and I purchased a home; we are taking steps to become more active in the political community. We have volunteered our time to plant trees and plants in our community, and we try to do whatever we can for the environment. These are things that are important to me as an American.
As a Filipina, I am trying to gain back the culture that I lost -- the culture that I sometimes pushed away. I want to learn Tagalog. I am teaching myself to cook lumpia and sinigang. I find myself wanting to learn more about myself as a Filipina. I recently subscribed to Filipinas magazine and joined our campus Asian/Pacific Islander Association.
Being a Filipina in America means that I synergize my heritage with my life: as a student, as a homeowner and as a citizen.